We blame Canada. Don't misunderstand, Canadian people are just fine, but the country they live in is a harbor for Old Man Winter and his ilk and this just can't go on anymore. Every time we turn around there is something migrating down from Canada and stealing OUR heat. Do you know what this bitter cold does to people? Millions of American Dollars lost in productivity and millions of AMERICAN WORKERS stayed home from their paying jobs to avoid this migration of cold weather. It has to stop.
What we propose is a border wall to keep these migrant weather patterns out of OUR COUNTRY! Sure we have natural barriers in some places that can help (thank you Lake Superior) but the only thing that will keep these unwanted patterns out of America is a Yuuuuge wall that they simply can't get over. We've talked to Justin Trudeau (swoon) and think he'll even pay for it! In the meantime we will set up a Go Fund Me page to buy every Lasko fan available and place them at the border to help blow the weather away. Congress needs to take action and fund the wall so we have a
Unless you've been under a rock for the last week you probably know that it was colder in Chicago than Antarctica, The North Pole, and Siberia. We had low temperatures of -25ºF (-31.7ºC) over two nights with high temperatures of -15ºF (-26.1ºC) this past Wednesday. Sure, it is technically summer in Antarctica but that's still damn cold. We aren't the only boats in cold climates, there are folks in Canada (shakes fist) and areas of the Midwest further north than us. We know parts of Minnesota were ten degrees colder than Illinois so we don't want to pretend like we had it the worst but it was very cold. Most businesses were closed Wednesday and not a single school was open to regular classes. Mail wasn't even delivered for two days.
|There is a person in there.|
|Don't worry, that is just frozen condensation on the mustache, not snot.|
|Even the bubblers were having a hard time keeping up with the ice as you can see in the open slip on the left side and the ones just under the building.|
|Geese. From CANADA no less!|